I’m at that point in my life where I feel like I’m starting to FINALLY figure things out. I’ve always known that I wanted to be a mom but beyond that, nothing. There are many things that I like to do, but not very many I could see myself doing as a career or life choice. On one end, I really want to be a stay at home mom and home school. I do have the unique situation, however, that my husband is home during the day with us until he has to be at work at 2pm. On another end, I really miss working. I guess I just feel like I’m here all day and could use a couple hours to myself. 

So here are my thoughts on the matter.

I really enjoy doing makeup and I would love to learn how to do hair. I have considered this before but felt it would be too expensive for me at the time. The community college up here is going to have a cosmetology program in the fall! It may not be some fancy school, but it’s a start for this small town. Anyhow, since my husband is the only person working we are technically a low income household so I think I could get government assistance if it worked out that I could go. I’m going to a meeting next tuesday about it so I can find out more of when the classes will be. My hopes with doing cosmetology school is that I would be able to expand more with my Mary Kay business and branch out to other things like doing weddings and other special events for people, essentially working part time and still stay home with my son. 

Another thing I have been considering lately is becoming a group fitness instructor! Pop pilates by Cassey Ho now makes it posible to become a pop pilates fitness instructor, and I LOVE blogilates! I was considering doing this last year after I had my son. I am currently doing P90X3 and it’s just inspiring me to do more with it. I miss doing pilates all of the time like I did in college, it was so much fun and I’ve always enjoyed doing it, ever since I was a teenager. Three years ago, I did P90X and my friends would ask me to workout with them so I could show them what I have learned. I would go to the gym with them and give them pointers and it was so much fun. I took a lot of fitness classes in college as well as doing P90X and I just really enjoy working out and helping people workout, too. 

It’s a tough one because both of these paths involves me teaching and helping people in one way or another. I love to teach, but unless it’s my child, I don’t want to be a teacher. It just isn’t for me. BUT I feel like this has aspects of everything I love: teaching, helping, empowering, loving and encouraging women, 

So how do I decide?!

Body image is something I know a lot of women struggle with, myself included. I have always been a little chubbier, maybe since I was around age 8 or 9. I used to look at other girls bodies and just wonder what it would be like to be thin, to have attention from boys, to be able to wear a bikini with confidence…to just be able to feel comfortable with what I was wearing and not leave the department store in tears becasue nothing fit me. 

I hated my body. My arms were too flabby, my stomach was not flat, my thighs touched. I’d lose 20 pounds and gain it all back, and then some. i have always been active, although I have always been kinda lazy as well. When I was 20 I finished P90X and I had a whole new sense of accomplishment and confidence about me, I had a more toned body, I definitely did not have a six pack, but I wasn’t dieting, either. I lost about 30 pounds and went from a size 14 to a size 8 and, overall, I was happy with myself on the outside. 

I still didn’t love myself, though. I was miserable in the inside, allowing myself to be used over and over again, I was a mess. I had this new body and with it came many new experiences that were not necessarially something to be praised. It was a learning expierence, though, and I know I am a stronger person now becasue I overcame that negative time in my life. Then I met my husband. I definitely don’t blame him for gaining my weight back, but it was definitely a contributing factor, I mean you get comfortable, it happens. 

I had (have) an awesome man who loved me, loved my body just the way it was, and yet, I still didn’t love myself. 

We got married and had a honeymoon baby. YAY! I gained over 50 pounds during my pregnancy, but I have managed to lose it all in about 9 months, which I would like to contribute to breastfeeding. :)

It has taken me a while, but I have learned to love myslef and my body, every bumb, every curve, every imperfection. When I sit and think about all there is to love about myself and my body, the imperfections don’t matter anymore. That’s not to say I want to stay bumpy and lumpy forever, but it just means that I can see past those, see who I really am, see my value and worth and know that those things can change. I will never be perfect, at least not on this Earth, but I can strive to be better. 

I want to be the type of mom who is out making memories with her children, not sitting on the sidelines wishing I could keep up. I want to teach my children about what it is to love your body and what it is to have a healthy body image. I want to teach my children how to eat healthy and yet, it’s okay to have other types of food that aren’t so healthy, yet, in moderation. I want to teach my children that there is more to life than what you look like on the outside. That having the perfect body won’t make someone fall in love with you. That looks fade but your true beauty shines through when you put others before yourself. 

I love my body because it is strong. It has helped me to hike mountains, climb ridiculous rock walls, and even run for miles. I love my body because it grew and gave birth to my precious baby. My tummy may have stretch marks now, but it’s still beautiful to me. I love my arms that are able to embrace my family and friends. I love my legs (thighs touching and all) because without them I wouldin’t be able to dance or swim or hike or walk with my son. I love my body. 

Every monring, my 13 month old son sits up on his knees, lifts up my shirt, and blows raspberries on my tummy, followed by slobbery kisses. How can I deny the love of a child? How can I hate so much what he loves? Same with my husband. It isn’t fair to him when he loves me and the body I am in so much when all I do is complain about how much I hate it. Two of the most important people in my life love me the way I am. Every bump, every curve, and every imperfection. 

So why shouldn’t I?



Homemade fruit leathers with Raspberry Vanilla, Apple & Fennel, and Mango Chili Lime.


Fruit Roll-Ups were one of those child hood snacks that seemed almost… magical. Fruity and sweet, portable, and as much fun to play with as they were tasty. As an adult, they’re a bit too sugary for my liking and the flavors are, well, too singular. Since road trip season is upon us, I wanted some car snacks that were healthy, portable, and fun to eat, like those roll-ups of yesteryear. Enter these adult flavored fruit leathers: Apple & Fennel, Mango Chili Lime, and Raspberry Vanilla to be exact. Yum! Easy to make and easy to take (with you).

  • 1 Pound Raspberries
  • ¾ Cup Sugar
  • 2 Vanilla Beans
  • 1 Pound Granny Smith Apples
  • 2 fennel bulbs
  • 1 Teaspoon ground Cinnamon
  • 2 ½ Pounds Mangos
  • 1 Lime
  • ¼ Teaspoon Salt
  • ½ Teaspoon Chili Powder

I don’t put sugar in my fruit leather since the fruits usually have more than enough sugars.

I no longer have the energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary conversations. If we don’t vibrate on the same frequency there’s just no reason for us to waste our time. I’d rather have no one and wait for substance than to not feel someone and fake the funk.


Pointless Heart


Pointless Heart

(via ihave1millionllamas)


Slea Head, Dingle, Ireland (by ollierb)


Slea Head, Dingle, Ireland (by ollierb)

“Well I could be angry but you’re not worth the fight, and besides I’m moving on.” yelyahwilliams -moving on

I can’t please everyone and I will never be able to. There will never be enough time in the world, certain situations will be a hindrance, and people change. I still feel like I am somewhat the same person that I was 10 years ago. I am silly and adventurous, daring, reserved, outgoing, shy all at the same time.

On the other hand, a lot has changed in the past ten years. I’ve had 7 different jobs, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve grown from those mistakes, I am married, I’m a mommy, I graduated high school and community college, I can drive now, I live in a new town, I’ve made new friends and lost some, I’ve lost family members and gained some… I’ve been on trips and met people who have changed my life for the better.

All of those things have impacted my life in one way or another, but being married and having a baby has changed my life drastically. In SO many ways. I’ve lost a lot of friends. I’d say it is partially my fault, I mean I was in Payson a lit while Tim and I were dating and when I wasn’t he was in the valley with me. The weekends were reserved for us. In my opinion, if you know someone is your soulmate, you would do everything in your power to nurture and protect that relationship and when people don’t understand…it is really hard.

And it doesn’t get easier once you’re married. People aren’t going to understand the sanctity of a marriage, especially when the examples they have had are diminished to divorce, affairs, and selfishness.

I’ve found my soulmate in Tim. He understands all of my thoughts and beliefs and he has every intention of nurturing our relationship. Both of our parents are still together, and although their marriages were by no means perfect, they have set great examples for us to follow.

My son is my life right now. I am still breastfeeding, I stay home with him, everything I do I do for him and my husband and God. Wherever I go, so does my son. I rarely get time away from him, and although once and a while it is needed, even just a bubble bath alone or sleeping without him for a few hours, I miss him so much when I am not with him. He grew and was formed inside of my body and the bond we share is like no other and unless you are a mother yourselves, its hard to understand.

I truly enjoy being with my husband and I feel like I don’t get enough alone time with him and it makes me sad. He works so hard for our family and I appreciate all he does so that I can stay home with Theodore…but I miss him. On the weekends, its time for us. The weekdays I/we spend with friends and in our church and I love it but I feel like the weekends are reserved for my family. If it works out that I can be with friends on the weekends and my family can be with me, that its like a bonus. I love my friends and I miss my friends and I want to nurture those relationships as well, but my family comes first.

My life is changing and so are my friends lives. Some changes happen faster than others, and some will come in a later time and its all okay. I realize I can’t keep all of my friends, or for one reason or another, they don’t want my friendship anymore…and its okay. Life goes on. Friends will come and go, but my family will always be there. I will be there as much as I can to love, support and uplift my friends as well as my family. I will not, however, be mocked, put down, or made a joke by anyone, including “friends” for putting my family first.

If anyone cannot be understanding of that, then they don’t need to be in my life. I don’t wish anything bad on them, but I need people in my life who support me, lovingly correct me, support me, and cheer me on. Being a mom and wife can be challenging enough and the added drama is highly unnecessary.

My family is my life, and I like it that way.